Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Birth of the Blog...There is Nothing Simple About My Life Right Now

There is nothing simple about my life right now.  I'm not really sure who I am to think that creating a blog on "the simple life" would be a good idea.  Many times I feel like the world is crumbling and honestly I'm not a simple person.  Usually everything I do is wrought in complications.  Even the process of creating this blog is no simple task for me.  What would the title be?  What would I write about?  Do I have anything to say that anyone would really want to read?  Should I write on a specific topic or branch out to many different areas?  

"In the Pursuit of Simplicity" was born out of a few reasons.  The first was that I was looking to bring some sort of "business" or "work" back into my life.  Since I stopped teaching of course I've enjoyed the opportunity to focus my attention on being a mother, but there was and is still something to be said after a good day's work.  A sense of accomplishment, of achievement was kind of missing for me.  Even though I'm kind of stressed that I can't seem to put out the content that I thought I had in my head, I do like the process so far.  Part of what I need to work on in this journey towards embracing simplicity is patience.

The second reason was really my husband's suggestion.  After discussing the idea of creating a blog, we decided it would probably be best to be specific and focus on one area.  We decided that maybe I should share my ideas on how to save money and how we've managed to prepare for our son on just one income, while sharing some stories along the way.

The blog that I pictured in my mind was like so many other great blogs out there that I follow.  It would be a site where others could go and see a wonderful example of someone living simply, embracing a green lifestyle, living a healthy and clean life, clean houses, sharing great ideas for using cloth diapers, just loving life and their family with such great enthusiasm that their joy was contagious. Unfortunately that's not the reality of my life right now.

We rent because we are having a hard time finding a place to settle down in our new city we've uprooted to.  I try to buy organic and buy green items for the house but the cost is often times prohibitive and I'm too cheap. We eat a very clean diet (but why do I still crave burgers and ice cream all the time?). I love cloth diapers but I am constantly battling rashes. My family is in turmoil.  My teenage son has decided that he would rather live with his father who lives across the country than with me and his stepfather.  I can't begin to tell you the pain that I feel over this.  Unfortunately rather than joy spilling over, my thoughts are a series of peaks and downward spirals.  I go from joy and enthusiasm over my newborn to worry and guilt over my teenager.

Truly this is a blog not about someone that has all of the answers, but rather a journal from a person that is very fallible.  My life is full of complications that I would much rather not have.  Of course no one's life is free of pain.  However, I want to strive to live a life where the little things like my son's smile or the sunrise in the morning bring me joy. More importantly, I want my sons to do the same.  I want to stop worrying about what others might think, or the future and in general things that are not important or out of my control.  I want to strive to focus more on making connections with my family and living consciously so the impact I make on the world will be a positive one.  I want the same for my sons.

I recently came across a wonderful quote from an American writer named John Gardner that to me speaks to my issues at hand and the meaning of life that I so strive for:

"Meaning is not something you stumble across, like an answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt.  Meaning is something you build into your life.  You build it out of your own past, out of the affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something.  The ingredients are there.  You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you.  If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account."

In summary my life and my attempt to live in peace with myself is a work in progress.